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Symphony for Band (A Love Story in 5 Movements)
for exeterlinden
Author's Notes: Thanks so much to jamethiel-bane for being a beta, cheerleader, and all around wonder for putting up with my squeeing and flailing throughout this entire process. You are the best!
Prelude: short piece of music, usually in no particular internal form, which may serve as an introduction to succeeding movements of a work. They are also somewhat improvisatory in style.
July 18, 1979
"Benny!" I ran across the parking lot, tennis shoes flapping, almost dropping my trumpet on the sweltering pavement in my haste to get to my best friend. "You made it!"
"Hello Ray. My grandparents decided to return from Inuvik early this year as to ensure that I would not miss a single practice." Fraser finished chaining his bicycle to the rusty rack and stood up. "As field commander it is my responsibility to set a good example for the rest of the band."
I chuckled and reached over across his aging red bicycle to envelop him in a large hug. "It is good to see you. How was the frozen blue yonder?"
We spent the next few minutes catching up as the other members of the band showed up for our first day of practice. The noise grew louder and louder as everyone began to catch up on the details of their first month of summer vacation.
But when Mr. Welsh blew that bright silver whistle, we all shut up immediately. Harding Welsh might have been like the father that we wanted, but when he spoke, you shut up.
"People! First of all, I'd like to welcome you back for what I hope will be another successful marching season."
At this, everyone started to cheer. Welsh smiled and then put up his hands to quiet us. "And now I have some not so good news. The Chicago Public School system is cutting funding to all of the music programs. This means that we are going to have to merge bands with Eastern High."
At this everyone broke out in furious whispers. Welsh continued on with the details, and I turned to Fraser. "They can't do that! Can they?"
"Well Ray, it appears that not only can they, but they have," he replied, smoothing out his eyebrow with his pinkie.
Welsh got everyone's attention again. "Look, I know that you are all upset about this, but I expect you to be on your best behavior tomorrow. Don't embarrass me. Practice for today is cancelled, but I expect you ALL to be here tomorrow, ready to work."
~*~
I took a deep breathe as I stepped out of the Riv for practice the next day. OK Raimundo, no reason to be nervous, I told myself, squaring my shoulders and jutting my chin up. I walked toward where "our" band members were gathering, a line clearing dividing the parking lot into "us" and "them". While waiting for Benny to chain up his bike, I looked over at the new band members, sizing them up. Welsh and a tall woman with short brown hair walk up. "Good afternoon. I'm Harding Welsh. This is -"
"Margaret Thatcher." The tall woman cut Welsh off with a scathing glare. "You can call me Commander or Sir."
Yikes. What a piece of work ... I let my attention wander, looking over the rest of new members. I actually knew a few of them, kids who lived a few blocks over - and then my eyes stopped. "Benny!" I hissed, trying to get his attention. "Check out that chick!"
Walking up to "their" side of the pavement, hand laced with some blonde punk with spiked hair, was the hottest blonde I'd ever laid eyes on. Benny nudged me, shaking his head. "Ray, your mouth is hanging open," he said in a slightly chiding tone.
"Huh?"
"Your mouth."
"Oh yeah, right." I snapped my mouth shut and looked around. It didn't look like anyone had seen ... except for Spiky Hair, who glared at me. I glared back, and he took his free hand and placed it possessively over their linked hands. A challenging smile crept over my face, but before I could do anything stupid, I noticed the tall woman (Thatcher? Was that her name?) glaring at me.
"Is there a problem?"
"No ma'am," I responded, snapping to attention.
"That is good to hear, I would hate to discover that this practice is interfering with your busy social life." I notice more than a few of the members of her band snickering, but they stop as soon as she glances in their direction. She held my eyes for a few more seconds and then started back into her spiel. Wow. That is ... hardcore.
When Thatcher and Welsh finished what they have to say, we broke up into sections. I got more than a little ribbing from the Ducks as we walked to our assigned areas. Jack Huey, Thomas Dewey, and Louie Gardino are not actually related, but might as well be triplets for how similar their minds work. "Apparently they call her the "Ice Queen" behind her back," Dewey smirked at me.
"It's a good name for that frigid bitch," I grumbled. I continued to banter with them about her sexual habits and if she was that frigid in other aspects of her life, but my mind had already wandered back to the blonde. I wondered if she was actually with Spikey Hair, or just with him. And if she wasn't with him with him ... A smile started to form on my face. Maybe this merging of bands thing would turn out all right after all.
Counterpoint: the relationship between two or more voices which are independent in contour and rhythm, and interdependent in harmony.
August 23, 1979
"What a BITCH!" Ray fumed over dinner the night before school started again from summer break.
"Ray! Language!" Mrs. Vecchio and I spoke almost at the same time, her higher voice overlapping with my baritone to create an odd dissonance.
Ray sighed. "Sorry Ma, but Benny, ain't I right?"
"Ms. Thatcher is entitled to just as much respect as Mr. Welsh Ray," I reminded him for the 4th time that day. "Just because you do not like her does not mean that you should be spreading untruths about her." And, I mentally added, just because she gave you laps for turning the wrong way in fundamentals because you were looking at Stella again doesn't mean that it was the wrong thing for her to do.
"Yeah Ray," Frannie piped up from the other end of the table. "Don't lie!"
"Francesca," Mrs. Vecchio said as she passed the braciole to Maria. "Don't bait your brother."
"Yeah Frannie," Maria said, sticking her tongue out at Frannie.
"Ma! Maria stuck her tongue out at me!"
"Madre del Dio," Mrs. Vecchio said, crossing herself. "Am I going to have to separate you two?"
As the racket went on around us, Ray met my glace and rolled his eyes. I smiled and took another helping of the delicious braciole and homemade spaghetti. Ray's sisters might irritate him, but I loved coming over to his house. Although, I realized as the squabbling turned into shrieking, it was nice to be able to go home after dinner was finished.
"So Ray," I asked as the shrieking continued around us, "how is Stella doing?"
Ray flashed me a warning glance, but unfortunately Mrs. Vecchio had already heard me.
"Raimundo! Who is this Stella?"
"She's just a girl from band Ma," Ray muttered as he stabbed at the remaining bits of tomato with his fork.
"What? You find a girl and she isn't good enough to bring home to meet your mother?"
"No Ma, she has a boyfriend." Ray fidgeted with the remnants of his garlic bread, clearly uncomfortable with this line of questioning.
"So you find a girl with boyfriend?" Mrs. Vecchio crossed herself for the fourth time since dinner had begun.
Ray blushed bright red, and muttered something about the dishes. He got up from the table in a rush and grabbed me by arm, dragging me into the kitchen.
"Benny," Ray hissed at me as the kitchen door closed behind us, "what possessed you to bring up Stella?!"
"Well Ray, I didn't realize that it was such a sensitive subject."
"Yeah Benny, it is." Ray grabbed the remnants of the braciole from the stove and began violently tossing the scraps into the trashcan.
As I watched Ray scrape the remnants of the braciole into the trash can, I tried to think of a change in topics, since Stella had clearly hit a nerve. Unfortunately, before I could think of something innocuous beyond a discussion of how fine the weather had been, Ray chose a topic for me.
"Too bad that Kowalski is taken," Ray said with an impish grin on his face. "He seems like just your type."
"Ray!" I tried to avoid sounding too shocked. "Your mother is in the next room!"
He shrugged. "Oh come on. She never caught on to that when you and I dated, so she'll probably just chalk it up to teasing. She only sees what she wants to see anyway, especially since Pop died."
We started washing the dishes in silence, getting into a rhythm of Ray washing and me drying. As I picked up the last of the plates and began drying it with the faded yellow dish towel, I couldn't help but thinking of Stella and Ray's fascination with her.
Ray had hardly even talked to Stella and yet he very clearly felt that he liked her very much. Was it merely a physical reaction? Because if that is all that there was too it, then I was forced to concede that Stella had a boyfriend for that purpose, one who probably knew her better and could care more about her than Ray could. Certainly Ray was much deeper than I was giving him credit for, but I worried that in this case he might be letting his physical attraction get in the way of something more important.
"Benny?" Ray looked at me quizzically. "If you rub that plate any longer it is going to get a hole in it!"
I looked down at the plate in my hand and realized that I had been drying the same plate for nearly 10 minutes. My hand had started to cramp up from the repetitive circular motion, so I put the plate down on the counter, leaned back onto the tile, and looked at Ray.
"Ray, do you know anything about Stella?" I asked, hoping to be proven wrong with this exercise.
"Sure I do," Ray responded as he finished wiping down the stove, the scent of garlic still lingering in the air. "She goes to Eastern, she is dating Kowalski, she is from the Gold Coast and she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my entire life."
"Do you know anything else about her that would cause you to want to get to know her better, other than her beauty?"
Ray paused in the middle of wringing out the rag into the sink. "What are you getting at, Benny?"
"I was just wondering what purpose you could serve by pursuing Stella. If you are hoping to make her happy, then it seems to me that she already has a boyfriend who knows her who can do that better than you can, given your current knowledge of her. And if your desire is simply because she is an attractive woman, then that does not seem good for either of you. You are a better man than to simply pursue her for your own selfish pleasure." I glanced down at the floor and quietly added "You deserve better than that."
Ray looked at my feet and then looked me in my eyes. "Look Benny, do you really think that she is happy with Kowalski? I mean, I like him and he is one hell of a good trumpet player, maybe even better than me." He swallowed and took a breath. "But do you really think that she is happy with him, I mean, deep down inside? He follows her around like a puppy. I've watched her, and I think that you have too. She needs someone who will give her space, someone who can function without her."
"But Ray ..." I paused, attempting figure out how to say this delicately. "Don't you think that this is a decision that she ought to be allowed to make for herself?"
Ray looked thoughtful and then sighed. "Damn it Benny! Why do you have to make sense?"
I smiled at him as we prepared to walk out of the kitchen. "What else are friends for?"
Ray smiled back and then said "Of course you do realize that all this tells me is that I should become friends with Stella before asking her out, right?"
"That is fine Ray. Just make sure that no ones feelings get trampled on during this, please."
Ray winked at me as we walked out of the kitchen. "Don't worry Benny, I'll make sure to leave Kowalski mostly in one piece so that you can pick up the pieces and consol his broken heart."
Minuet: social dance of French origin for two persons, usually in 3/4 time. At the period when it was most fashionable, it was slow, ceremonious, and graceful.
October 16, 1979
"Stella!" I paused in the middle taking my clarinet apart, the cleaning swap stuck in the barrel as Ray Vecchio walked up to me.
He looked oddly nervous, more nervous than I had ever seen him look before. Over the past month we had formed a sort of friendship. He would usually come and talk to me during practices when my Ray was practicing his solo and we got into the habit of sitting next to each other during the 3rd quarter of the games. He was so cool and collected usually ... and attractive the little voice inside my head felt compelled to add. We can't forget that. I ignored that voice as I glanced up from my case. "What's up Ray?"
"Benny and me and the Ducks and a couple of other people were going to go to Giardono's for pizza after the game tomorrow night." He paused and shuffled his feet. "I was wondering if you and Kowalski wanted to go with us." His voice trailed off at the end of the sentence, but his face still had a hopeful expression ... and such a pretty smile.
I sternly ordered the voice in my head to shut up as I finished moving the cleaning rag through the barrel and began to take my clarinet apart. "I don't think that Ray can go because he broke curfew after the past few games, so his parents are "grounding him for the rest of his natural life" I think that was how his dad phrased it." I finished taking apart my clarinet and stuck the parts back in the case.
Ray's face fell. "Oh, ok ... Maybe some other time then." He turned to walk away to where Fraser was waiting for Ray to drive him home.
I clicked the snaps on my case shut and stood up. "But I think I might still be able to go, if you guys don't mind a girl crashing the party."
He turned back around, a smile lighting up his face. Dear Lord he is SO attractive. "Great! You can get a ride with Benny and me in the Riv and then I'll drop you off at your house after." He smiled again and I smiled back at him because a smile that large? Totally infectious. "See ya tomorrow Stella!"
My Ray walked up to me then and put his arm around my shoulder. "Ready to go Stell?"
As we walked to the GTO he asked "What did Vecchio want?"
"Hmm? Oh, he didn't want anything important. He just wanted to know where we were supposed to turn in our money from the candy sale." I put my clarinet and music in the trunk along side of Ray's trumpet case and slammed the door shut. I wasn't really sure why I had lied to Ray about what Ray had asked me, but I didn't feel like dealing with his jealousy right now. It wasn't like it was a date or anything ...
~*~
The next night was so much fun. Fraser loosened up a lot once he was not acting as the field commander, and even the Ducks were not as crass as they could be. But I mostly spent the night talking to Ray. The time just flew by and so when Fraser turned to Ray and said that he really needed to be home, I was shocked.
"What time is it?" I said, rummaging through my purse to find my watch. "It can't be time to leave yet, is it?"
"Actually it is a few minutes past midnight, and I had promised my grandparents that I would be home by promptly 12:15," Fraser said, gathering his coat.
Ray helped me into my coat and the three of us headed for the car. We dropped Fraser off at his grandparents house and I directed Ray toward mine, chatting companionably about various things as we headed toward my home. I looked up at the darkened windows and realized that my parents must have decided to go to sleep already. Ray pulled into my driveway and turned off the car.
An awkward silence fell over the car. "Well, um," he started to say at the same time as I said "Well, I guess." We laughed and then looked at each other. The voice of Sister Mary Jean from Sunday school was in my head, telling me that I really ought to thank Ray for the invitation, tell him I had a good time, and get out the car.
Instead, I found myself leaning toward him and kissing him instead. I froze for a moment when my lips met his, but then he kissed me back and I couldn't help but moving back against him. He groaned, and I opened up my mouth, seeking my tongue against his. I don't know how long we made out for, but by the time we surfaced for breath, the windows were steamed up and my coat had fallen onto the ground.
We looked at each other, lips swollen, gasping for breath. I shakily collected my clarinet and said "Thank you for the invitation Ray, I had a wonderful time."
He looked at me in disbelief and said "Is that all you are going to say?!"
"Well, what else do you want me to say Ray? I didn't mean to kiss you, but I did, and damn it! I do love Ray, I really do, and I didn't mean to do this!"
He looked at me again, sighed, and then said "Well where does this leave us?"
"I don't know! I don't know anything other than I love Ray and I loved kissing you." I unconsciously started strumming my fingers on my clarinet case. "Look, can we just pretend that this never happened?"
Ray nodded. "I don't want to be the reason that you and Kowalski break up, I really don't."
"So we are agreed? This never happened?"
The reluctance in his face shown through the darkness, but he nodded again, and turned his head down to study his keys.
I grabbed my clarinet, walked inside the house and sort of slumped down along the door after it had closed behind me. I stayed sitting on the cold hard tile, just staring into space, until my cat Ginger started scratching at my leg.
It wasn't until I was back in my room that I realized I'd left my coat in the car. SHIT! Well, I had other coats, and there was no power in this universe strong enough to compel me to call him for the coat tomorrow or any other day. I sunk down fully clothed on my bed and closed my eyes. I could still feel his lips pressed again mine, his tongue moving against mine. I groaned and turned over to fall asleep, too confused to care about my clothing. What the hell was I going to do about this?
Cadenza: a portion of a concerto in which the orchestra stops playing, leaving the soloist to play alone in free time. Can be written or improvised.
November 2, 1979
I was jazzed. I was psyched. I was on top of the freakin' WORLD! I punched the air in victory as Welsh and Thatcher dismissed us for the night. We had WON! Not only did we qualify for the state finals competition, but we had won the whole competition itself!
I turned to Stella, but she wasn't around anywhere. I was in the process of turning around, thinking I'd missed her in the embracing crowd when I was nearly tackled by Huey. "We got a one! We got a one at BANDS OF AMERICA!"
I pulled out of the embrace before I could get squashed like a peanut. "Listen Hue - have you seen Stella?"
"I think I saw her get into the car with Vecchio."
"Thanks Huey - I'll see ya at the party later!" With a wave good-bye I headed toward Vecchio's Riv. I figured that Stella hadn't heard me when I told her that my parents were going to let me go to the after party, so I'd go tell her that I could give her a ride home after all.
I started walking across the parking lot to the Riv. I was so stoked about the one that I started doing a spontaneous tango on the parking lines. I was wondering if Fraser was going to the party when I caught sight of the window, illuminated by the floodlights of the parking lot. Vecchio and Stella, my Stella, were kissing. I stopped dead in my tracks, certain that my eyes or the dark were playing tricks on me. I rubbed my tired eyes under my glasses and looked again. Nope, they were still kissing.
I was just getting ready to go off and punch down the car doors and demand to know what the HELL Vecchio thought that he was doing with my girl and what Stella thought that she was doing with little Italian bastard when I felt a pair of arms grab my shoulders.
"Lemme GO!" I yelled, struggling against whoever the pair of arms belonged too.
"Ray, Ray, RAY!" It was Fraser. So I struggled harder.
"Seriously Frase - I like you, but I will not hesitate to kick you in the head if you do not let me go RIGHT NOW."
Fraser turned me around and looked me in the eyes. "Ray, I don't know what they are doing or why they are doing it-"
I let loose a bitter laugh. "You know Frase, you are not usually this dumb, but I think I can tell you exactly what they are doing right now."
Even in the dark I could see his flush. "I did not mean that, and you know it. But what I did mean is that to confront them while you are so angry is not going to do anyone any good." I let him lead me away from the car and we sat down on the cold concrete, the lingering remnants of the first snow of the year soaking my ass, but I couldn't bring myself to care. The sounds of celebration that were still coming from the rest of the band who hadn't left yet for Dewey's party seemed unreal to me. I heard the engine turn over and I watched the Riv drive off into the night. Suddenly all the fight went out of me, and I sank completely down onto the wet pavement, the snow soaking through my jacket to my shirt underneath.
"You know, when I first met Stella, I thought that she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. And then I got to know her, and I just fell in love with her." Fraser nodded encouragingly, and put his arm around me. "I just ... I've been in love with her for so long that I don't think I realized how long it has been since I've really allowed myself to think about me, about who I am when I am not around her. Do you ever think about you you'd be if there wasn't some else around?"
I felt Fraser nodding against my shoulder. "I know exactly what you mean. After I first broke up with Ray Vecchio, before we became friends again ... it was hard to know exactly who I was without him. I had lived for a year of my life defining much of my actions again him that I felt lost without his constant presence."
I leaned up on my elbow and looked down at Fraser. "How did you find yourself again?"
He looked thoughtfully into the sky. "You know, I've never really thought about it before in those terms. I guess I just looked at myself and realized that I was me regardless of who the other person was. And regardless of how they fit into my life."
I looked at cloud covered sky and thought about that for what seemed like ages until Fraser stood up, offered me his hand, and pulled me out of the melting snow. "I'll walk you home," he said. He grabbed his bike, started wheeling it toward the exit and together we walked out the parking lot.
"Fraser? Thanks."
"Thanks for what Ray?" He looked sideways at me as we continued to walk toward my house.
"I think I know what to do about Stella." We stopped in front of my house and I gave him a large hug, attempting to avoid getting him any wetter than the snow had already made him. I left him on the sidewalk with his bike in hand and very a confused look on his face as I nearly danced inside. He had given me a clarity I sorely needed and I couldn't wait until tomorrow to act on it.
Cadence: particular series of intervals or chords that ends a piece of music.
November 3, 1979
"Ray, if you don't mind my asking, but what were you doing in the car with Stella?" Benny asked, tucking his long legs up under him in the chair as we sat in my room.
"She'd left her coat in there the night that we went to Giardono's and I was giving it back to her."
"And this required you both getting into the car, together?" I could hear the skepticism in Fraser's voice.
"Hey, we were celebrating!" I felt myself getting defensive, and then deflated. "We seriously were not going to do it again."
"Do what again? You mean to say that you've kissed before!" Benny just sounded so shocked.
"Yeah, after we dropped you off after Giardono's. I took her home and we sat in the car talking for a while and ... it just happened. We really didn't mean to, and it was not going to happen again because she claimed that she was in love with Kowalski!" I picked up the edge of my comforter and started fiddling with it. "Seriously, that is the reason why her coat stayed in my car these past two weeks - we were avoiding each other because I didn't want to be the one to break up her and Stanley!"
Fraser raised his eyebrow at me and I flushed. "Well, maybe I did want them to break up, but honestly, not because of me."
"Sure you say well; your wisdom's golden mine dig deep with learning's spade; now tell me this, hath this world anything so fair as Stella is?" I stared at the wall as Benny's voice trailed off. His voice was so beautiful. Hell, he was so beautiful, but I didn't want him. Suddenly I started laughing. "Ray?" Benny's voice sounded so worried, which only made me laugh even harder.
"Benny, just think about it. Stella's parents don't approve of either Kowalski or me. You're the only one who they'd think was good enough for their little princess and you're the only one who doesn't want her and she's the only one who's never wanted you. I had you, but I don't want you any more and you don't want me. You want Kowalski, who might want you but is still with Stella and all I want is Stella who is still with Stanley."
Benny looked at me blankly for a few minutes, and then started cracking up himself. "God, we've made ourselves quite a pickle, haven't we?"
I let my laugh draw to a bitter close. "Yeah we have." Benny and I sit in silence for a while. I don't know what he is thinking about, but my thoughts kept going to Stella. I really liked her, maybe even loved her. And I know that she liked me too, but I guess that just wasn't enough to break up whatever she had going with Kowalski. It was just ... kissing her felt so right and being with her made me happy, happy in the same way that Benny and I made each other before we realized that we made each other happier as best friends. And I could only see Stella and I making each other happier as the time went on.
Benny and I jumped about five feet in the air when Ma knocked on the door. "Ray? There is girl named Stella at the door for you, and Benton? Your grandparents just called to let you know that a young man by the name of Stanley Kowalski was looking for you."
Fraser and I looked at each other and sighed. "Well Benny, I guess it is time to face the music."
"I am taking Francesca and Maria shopping for winter clothes Ray, so I am trusting you to be mature enough to stay in the living room and not do anything funny with this young lady while I am gone."
"Ma!" I blushed bright red and hoped that Stella hadn't overheard.
We walked down the stairs together and I told Benny to come over later to let me know what happened with Kowalski as I went into the living room to see Stella. Thankfully Ma and the girls made themselves scarce fast and Stella and I soon had the house to ourselves. The void begun by the silence built to an uncomfortable level as Stella and I stared at each other, each wanting the other to be the first to break the ice.
We started to talk at the same time again, and laughed. I looked at her and said "Well, ladies first?"
She smiled a small smile at me, a completely indescribable expression on her face and I just felt my heart sink into my feet. She was coming to tell me she hated me for ruining her life, I could just feel it. She said "Well, Ray saw us kissing last night in the parking lot."
"Yeah, I know. Be-Fraser told me all about that this morning." I was pretty proud of myself - my tone emerged even and clear, no breaking or squeaking at all.
She looked surprised, but then she nodded and said "Huh. Ray didn't mention that Fraser was there, but this makes more sense."
"Why? What did he say?" My mind started racing with all of the possible scenarios, none of them good. I sat on the edge of my chair, and waited for her to tell me the worst.
"Well, he came over this morning after we came back from church. I figured that there was no way that he could know about us kissing last night because he was smiling and so happy. I was going to tell him that I had kissed you, really I was! And then he was just so happy that I didn't know how to break it to him and then he just came right out and said that he had seen us."
I learned forward, confusion showing in my face. "Wait, he saw us, he told you this, and he was HAPPY?!?"
"I know! I was so shocked; I didn't know what to say in response. And then he gave me a hug and told me that he realized that he had been using going out with me as an excuse to avoid figuring out who he was and what he really wanted and that he hoped that I wasn't mad at him but that he needed to break up with me because he now knew what he wanted and he was happy for me that I had someone who could make me happy. And THEN he hugged me again, wished me the best, and told me that if you ever made me cry he'd beat you up."
I blinked in totally shock. "You know, Fraser didn't say what he had said to Kowalski, but I don't know of ANYTHING that could possibly cause this reaction."
We stayed in silence again, letting everything sink in. I just couldn't comprehend it all. But slowly it seemed to be sinking in, and I felt my heart lightening. A few hours ago I thought that I had screwed up everything beyond belief. After kissing Stella again, I dropped her off at her house and spent the rest of the night banging my head against the wall, convinced that this was going to be the end of any chance that I had with her. And now ...
I fought the urge to pinch myself to make sure that this was real. Instead, I settled for reaching out for Stella's hand. We smiled at each other, our hands clasped, and I felt the worry that had been surrounding my heart lift. It was all going to be OK now.
And hey! Ma wasn't going to be home for at least an hour. And what she didn't know, couldn't hurt her.
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